I wish my penis had an off switch
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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