I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Everclear isn't food dammit
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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