y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
