do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
