We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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