My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize