it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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