thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
