Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
