Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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