If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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