dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
