I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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