Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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