I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
