things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
