She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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