I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
