I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
