I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I want to walk on stilts...naked
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
