someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He? As in you personified your dick?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
