similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
