listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
