while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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