That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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