I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
