community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
