I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
