for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
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I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
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Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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