Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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