Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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