I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
