I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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