Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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