you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
