a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize
