It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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