White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
