There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
