Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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