Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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