: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
