you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
