Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
