come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
