I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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