woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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