my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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