I'm jealous of your bromance
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
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