Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
