i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
she peed on how many people?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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