Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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