We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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