I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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