the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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