Your mouth is God's brothel.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
and you fell through a lawn chair
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
