Well douche your snatch and let's go!
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
