I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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