hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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