also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Randomize
