You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
mondays should just be called national damage control day
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
