Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
