I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Randomize
