You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
