u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
