Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
