You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
i think i just lost a toe
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
