We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
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She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
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It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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