Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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