First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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