the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
