Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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