I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
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Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
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I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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