So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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