Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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