I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I would fuck him just for his dog
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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