New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
