he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
