Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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