By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
birth control should be required to get into college
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I just blew my weed a kiss
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Randomize
