so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
