If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
