New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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