This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
